Go West – Faithful
Revistation
I guess i have to revisit some of my earlier decisions in light of new information.
I was told via TEXT by my estranged wife on July 27, 2010 that:
FW: Kelly Pope: I forgive u but move on i made my decison
I guess she’s given up completely and I can’t say I blame her one bit. But if that is her decision so be it, she will have to live with the consequences of her decision and I cannot be blamed for it. I accept the responsibility for my part in all this mess and whatever blame is truly mine as well.
I apologize for my behaviors, actions, decisions and just plain stupidity that lead to all of this. I have resolved to do better now, and for the remainder of whatever I have left in this life.
Kelly, I will always love you in one way shape or form. Don’t ask me to forget you because, that is simply impossible to do. I choose to forgive you for all the things that I either think you did, you did whether or not they are truly real or just percieved wrongs.
Go in peace, and I hope you find what you are looking for.
Love in Christ,
Douglas
Fireflight, For Those Who Wait
Fireflight Unbreakable
Reaffirmation of Choice
Right now, I am literally in the middle of a battle of wills with the woman I say I love. I have messed up so horribly, I wonder if she ever will have the willingness to at least begin to forgive me. My choices and actions have literally caused my family to be torn apart. I accept that I have failed as a husband and father. I made stupid choices based on half-truths. I bear the full responsiblity for it. How I wish I could turn back time and make some different choices, but I cannot.
I’ve spent the last year most especially having to tear down, and uproot some false beliefs that are very hard to get rid of. I’ve also had to replace them with things that will last much longer. I’ve been working on planting and building things around and inside of me that will last much longer and withstand the things this life throws at me. The only problem is they are not grown yet. I don’t expect to see results of what I’m doing for possibly up to 5 years or more. Maybe less, I don’t know it is not something I can predict.
Right now, though, I can make a simple choice. I am making this choice even when my emotional tell me to cut and run like a bat out of hell. I do not feel this at all, this is a willful decision of my own self. I am trying to line it up with how God deals with me.
This is my choice, this moment, this time, this post. For this time I am making the choice to love someone who is not willing or able to return the same. I am not trying to force her into loving me, I obviously cannot do so. God doesn’t force anyone to choose Him, nor can I.
As much as this causes me a lot of internal pain, and stress this is my choice. No one is here twisting my arm, or forcing me to do this.
My Beloved wife, I have never ceased to love you with all that I have. I publicly state that I am truly sorry for how things happened. I wish I could fix them, but I cannot. I am asking you to rejoin with me and begin to rebuild what has been torn down between us. I cannot do it alone. The only way this can be done is by willingly, and with fully agreement together. There is no other way. It is a choice, a decision on which all the emotions will follow.
My decision is to extend my hand to you in the hope that somehow you will just take that one step of faith and trust. Just take my hand, and tell the rest of the world, No. My hand is uplifted and open, willing for you to take. You must make the choice.
You will likely have to be willing to say that, “Yes, You’ve hurt me very badly, but as painful as it is I choose to walk with you.”
I do not have all the answers, nor can I predict what will happen, all I know is where two people truly agree to walk together, they can do much more than one can. The choice is yours and yours alone to make. No one can make it for you.
Will you please just take my hand, and begin to walk with me?